Time is flying....

I was looking through my little calendar this evening....checking appointment dates etc. I noticed we really don't have too much time left here in Pensacola. We have good friends leaving shortly, and if that didn't make us realize our time here was coming to a close....I don't know what would. It's hard to let them go because we've both been here for the same amount of time, and our daughters are just 8 weeks apart. I watched Grace Friday and today for a bit. The girls have so much fun. We have seen them grow together from before birth until now....(Sophia almost 14 months and Grace almost 16 months). Many laughs have been had, a few tears shed (mostly from me....), and many a wonderful thing learned. We will miss our friends and hope to see them again soon. Here's to change and growth.

Here are a few pictures from the girls time together.

Blogging hole.

It's true. My blog has fallen into a hole. I guess it could be more appropriately categorized under LAZINESS. That's right folks....I admit it.

A lot has happened since I last posted. Sophia has turned 1. *sniff* My "baby" is now considered a toddler. When did that happen? I always thought toddlerage started at 2....at least. She's walking around like she owns the place. Won't stay in the stroller or a shopping cart. Loves car keys, babies, telephones, cell phones and lip gloss. Seriously....no joke...much to my dismay. I pray she doesn't turn out to be one of those young girls who is "beauty obsessed". She certainly wouldn't learn that from me...although she could decide she doesn't want to be as "blah" as I am and go the opposite direction with her life. I'm hoping for well rounded. Unfortunately I'm convinced Sophia has entered her "terrible twos" stage a year early. Is that possible? I'm ready to send her to baby boot camp....if there isn't such a place...someone needs to get on that. She whines for no reason...when we say "no" she throws a fit, and when she gets angry (especially after you tell her "no") she pinches at your face. Lovely little thing isn't she? I'm really trying not to spoil her or coddle or any of those things that often happen with a first child (and the fact that I stay at home with her=she gets all my attention) doesn't help. But on the other hand. She is precious. Beautiful child with a brilliant smile. Still has red hair and blue eyes...perhaps she is just learning to "own" her red hair. I have a red headed friend and she is pretty feisty. She loves to learn. Right now we are working on using utensils (fork first). She loves music and animals. She is an joy in our lives that we would never trade.

Chris is still in flight school. Maybe 2 more months? We are thinking about buying a house the next place we get stationed. The thought truly terrifies me. But it's exciting at the same time. Chris and celebrated our 2 year anniversary in June...time flies when you're having fun. I'm blessed to have such a man in my life. I'm still at home with Sophia and am making and selling jewelry and hairbows once in a while. One of these days I'll get back out into the workforce. Or maybe even get back to school (which would please many). For now...I'm enjoying the blessing of being a stay at home mom. I think I take it for granted sometimes. It's hard being a SAHM because it really is never ending. I have realized that being a mom is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. But just as everyone says...it's the greatest gift God could give us.

Anyway....that's the latest. I will try and be better about this. I think part of my problem is I feel like my life is not worthy of blogging. But you know...it's more for me than others. For many years of my life I kept journals, and sometimes I would write just one sentence.

These days...

A change

I think I'm going to change the look of things. I will post pictures (and try to remember to post Sophia updates along with the pictures).

A moment of heartache

"To the mama without the baby
You despair and you rage, and you are not alone.
All of us in this corner have suffered the same loss of different stripes, different circumstances, all of us wandering this earth with holes blown through our souls.
We can look you in the eye and accept your rage and receive it, relate to it, even just be in the same room with it.
You are both a victim and a masochist. You never want to leave the house again. You imagine a pulse like in apocalyptic movies that sweeps over populations of picturebook mommies and daddies, rendering them limp like rag dolls, not hurt but hit by an explosive wave of acknowledgement that forces them despite their whole, healthy children to pause for a moment, to be touched by this blackness.
It'll feel that way for a while.
Then one day the hole will have a layer of cheesecloth stretched over it, diffusing the howling wind. Then two layers, then three. Holes will be ripped through it when you least expect. Other days you'll not even feel a draft, like it’s been blocked up for good with mortar and brick, and you’ll resent that protection for how it buffers you from the rawness, from all you know of your son or daughter.
Your heart will figure out how to hold on and let go at the same time.
Write if you can, or make art, or be alone, whatever you need. Don’t apologize for a single thing.
And feel us out here, sisters standing beside you."


-Written by Kate Inglis



You know....I read this on her blog and then read a few comments that were posted after. I haven't cried like that since I lost the baby. It will be 2 years now in July. I'm thankful to God every day for our Sophia. But I still at times mourn the loss of the child that should have been. One day we will know that child. That is my trust in God. That is my desire.Courtney

A new year..

I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted. A lot has happened. Sophia and I were away for 3 weeks visiting family. Chris came to my parents a week after I got there and then we flew up to Pennsylvania to see his family for a week. WOW!! It was fun to see everyone, but hard to be away from home for sooooo long! I think at one point Sophia thought I had dropped her off at an orphanage...so many new faces! She did very well though (I think). I'm glad everyone was able to meet our little angel. Who knows when we will be able to all get together like that again.

Sophia just turned 5 months on Sunday. She's such a BIG girl!! She has started to sit up, is eating fruits and vegetables along with rice cereal. She also found the fun in biter biscuits (although she licks them more than bites them), and she's discovered the sippy cup.....not quite mastered holding it up to drink by herself though. She still sleeps through the night and is down to 2 naps a day (usually lasting 1-2 hours).

I look at her and my eyes fill with tears (yes I'm still the same cheeseball I've always been..no changes there.) I can understand now why parents get so emotional when there children leave home. I told her last night she can stay with me always! Although it probably wouldn't be the best thing...for either of us. I just love her so darn much!!

Chris is finishing up primary pretty soon. He will select (select=find out what he's going to fly) probably the end of this month. He still really loves what he does...flying!!

I love being a mom and all that comes with it. I hope the best for the New Year!

The dumbest idea I've had yet...

Alright folks...here it is.

I am going to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding at the end of the month. There is a get together for some of the girls tomorrow (in Spartanburg...where the wedding is). So, I got the bright idea that I would come to my parents house a week early....with Sophia....by myself. A 7-8 hour drive....depending on traffic. I left at 8 this morning (Pensacola time) and got to my parents about 11 hours later!!

Oh my gosh....what a crazy day! I stopped several times to feed her, change her, calm her! Plus we got stuck in Atlanta rush hour traffic for 3 hours. (HELL). Sophia really wasn't that bad, even in the traffic. It started after we finally got out of it. About 2 1/2 hours from my parents..perhaps a little less. She was exhausted and sooooooo not happy about being in the car any longer. I don't blame her. It was kind of funny though. Everytime we stopped and got out of the car, she was as happy as a clam....(can clams really be happy?).

So, we are here...we surprised Grandma and Great Grandma (Grandpa was in on the surprise). Sophie is sleeping soundly (for the moment) in the pack and play in the spare room.

*SIGH*

Thank goodness this day is over!!